Hello and welcome back to another INTJ University video! Today, we're answering the question of whether the INTJ is weird by taking a closer look at the INTJ in social situations.
We will be exploring how INTJs interact with others, why others tend to think that INTJs are weird, and what you need to start doing today to come off better during social interactions.
But – before we dive in, please make sure to like this video and subscribe to our channel for more INTJ content.
Alright, so let's get started!
How do INTJs interact with others?
If we want to clarify whether the INTJ is weird or not, we first need to understand how they are in social situations. On the surface, INTJs are often seen as introverted, distant, and serious people.
But why is that the case?
To answer this question, we need to analyze the INTJs' thoughts, feelings, and behavior in social situations. We need to examine how the INTJ personality is constructed and how it creates their own unique way of socializing with others. So let's take a look at the 4 most important traits of INTJs that create their social personality and influence their behavior in social situations:
1 - INTJs focus more on listening than talking
The INTJ personality type is primarily focused on taking in information rather than talking. This means that they’re more likely to spend time analyzing their thoughts and listening intently to others as opposed to speaking out incessantly about their opinions. They don’t usually like to share their thoughts until they have thought them out, which is a remarkable difference when compared to other personality types.
2 - INTJs are often brutally honest
Another notable part of their personality is that INTJs tend to be very direct and blunt when communicating with others. They don't mince words and can seem quite harsh at times, which can lead them to coming off as rude or insensitive. This is because INTJs value the truth and don't feel a great natural need to sugarcoat it. Combined with their uncanny ability to detect inconsistencies in someone’s ideas or behavior, this creates a rather "unique" social expression.
3 - INTJs are rather serious
As the Mastermind personality type, INTJs are concerned with the bigger picture and mastering their environment by understanding its complexities. For this reason, INTJs tend to think critically about every conversation, meaning that they often analyze each statement made rather than simply taking it at face value. This habit of overthinking things can cause the INTJ to miss the point of social interactions and thus say the wrong things at the wrong time.
4 - INTJs prefer meaningful conversations
Finally, INTJs have a deep appreciation for meaningful conversations. They are naturally curious about the intricacies of life and love to explore topics that allow them to get to know their surroundings in greater detail. This rich intellectual life also creates their tendency to struggle with talking about topics that don't interest them, like fashion or celebrity gossip, which can make socializing rather exhausting for them.
What does that mean for the INTJ in social situations?
All of these common INTJ traits tend to create a social personality that often comes off as, well, rather unsocial.
What is commonly seen as being social are traits that many other personality types naturally exude, like talking a lot, being overly reassuring and flippant, or just going along with the crowd.
But when compared with those types, it's easy to see why many people think that INTJs are weird. The combination of the INTJs' traits to focus more on listening than talking, their brutally honest nature, their rather serious attitude, and their preference for deeper conversations can create lots of social difficulties.
It tends to create a personality that isn't too focused on being popular or socializing much but instead pursuing their own goals. It leads to INTJs not paying much attention to social norms and thus often having trouble understanding what is socially acceptable and unacceptable behavior. And it leads to INTJs coming off as aloof, distant, unfriendly, or even rude in certain situations.
All of this can make it difficult for INTJs to fit in within certain social circles and create meaningful friendships with people.
But does this mean that INTJs are doomed to have a failed social life?
Not at all.
First of all, there already are personality types that genuinely value the INTJ for who they are. To learn more about them, we recommend you to check out our video called "INTJ Compatibility With Other Types - The Best Pairings Uncovered". You can find the link to that in the description below. These types tend to naturally fit well with the INTJ due to their own personal tendencies.
Second, despite being a bit on the socially weird side, INTJs can learn and adapt to social situations quite well. Let's take a closer look at the essential social skills that INTJs need so you know exactly what to do to come off well during social interactions.
How can INTJs become more social?
When it comes to acquiring social skills and becoming a more social INTJ, there are 3 main areas that you need to focus on:
1 - Your Mindset
Most INTJs tend to underestimate the importance of being social and thus don't put much effort into it. To become a more social INTJ, you need to recognize the value of developing and maintaining good relationships with other people. This can be especially difficult for INTJs who have had seriously bad experiences with people in the past, but desiring to go towards people instead of away from them is an essential step in the process.
Once you have fixed your general outlook on people and are committed to improving your social skills, you can start working on INTJ-specific mindset issues that hinder your progress.
Looking closer at the INTJs' social problems, we will find that the biggest factor that keeps INTJs from creating fulfilling relationships is their tendency to get stuck in their own thoughts. This is due to their dominant cognitive function of Introverted Intuition, which leads the INTJ to create complex inner worlds and sometimes even getting lost in them.
In practice, this often shows itself in an INTJ's inability to take social risks and be spontaneous. For example, they might be reluctant to talk to someone they don't know just because they don't yet fully understand them. But this is a vicious circle because you can't get to know people when you're not even attempting to get to know them. This can easily lead to feelings of loneliness and social alienation because there isn't even the chance of creating meaningful connections.
In contrast, INTJs who are committed to being social improve their mindset to the point of overcoming this irrationality. No longer trying to understand every nuance of social interactions can go a long way. Just remember that you will definitely miss every shot that you don't take. So the next time you're in a social setting, instead of overthinking it, try to overcome your inner blocks, start enjoying yourself and participate more.
2 - Your Conversational Skills
The second biggest factor that keeps INTJs unsuccessful socially is their lack of conversational skills. Even though INTJs are naturally good listeners and can be quite witty, they tend to lack charisma in their conversations.
One easy way for INTJs to improve their conversational skills and come off as more charismatic is by focusing on other people. Try to make an effort to think about what the other person is saying and ask clarifying questions. This will show that you’re genuinely interested in them and their opinions, which increases your likability.
Also, we recommend you be more mindful of how you express yourself verbally. Instead of focusing on being right and focusing on the truth, try to strive for a mutual understanding that highlights the value in both points of view.
The best way to practice conversations is by spending time with people who already appreciate you and then talking about topics that interest them. Chances are that with this in mind, your conversation will flow better and you will come off as a more interesting person.
3 - Your Relationship Skills
The last big factor that keeps holding INTJs back from a fulfilling social life is their lack of understanding when it comes to other personality types.
Did you know that only about 2% of the population are INTJs? That means that there are many people out there who are vastly different from you. Most of these people fall in the category of sensors – people who are guided by their five senses rather than ideas and theories.
Sensors do in fact make up the majority of people and therefore, you need to be mindful of their presence in any social setting as well as learn to interact with them well. And to help you with this, we have prepared a special free gift for you.
We have written a book called Deconstructing Humanity: The INTJ Guide To Understanding & Embracing "Normal" People, which you can now get for free on our website INTJ dot University. Check out the link in the description below.
In this book, we help you understand how sensors think and how you can create better relationships with them. We recommend you go to our website and get your free copy now.
So, here's a quick summary of today's social advice for you. If you want to be less weird for others, do this:
First, Try to overcome being stuck in your own thoughts and start participating
Second, Try to focus conversations more on others instead of yourself
Third, Try to understand other personality types better, especially sensors. Use our e-book "Deconstructing Humanity" for this.
And that's it for today's video, thanks for watching! If you found it helpful, please leave a like and subscribe for more INTJ content. Also, don't forget to check out our website and pick up your free e-book! Have a great day and see you soon! Bye!